Well, I sure feel like a pussy after seeing this. I now have no reason to complain about time, technology, or much of anything regarding writing. When you can take the pen from my hand…

Filed under: Scribbling






    

This just in: scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory have reported that President Bush’s balls are now visible from space without the aid of a telescope.

“It’s quite remarkable,” said scientist John Specks at JPL. “Back when he was running the first time, saying he was a ‘reformer with results’, we could only see his balls with satellite imagining. As the Bush Administration has continued, talking about WMD’s and connecting 9/11 with Iraq, his balls only got bigger. We’re having a hard time maintaining image resolution because of the incredible growth rate.”

With his current statements about not meeting Cindy Sheehan and that “it’s also important for me to go on with my life,” President Bush’s testicles have grown to such proportions that they are visible with the naked eye from near earth orbit.

“I couldn’t believe it,” said Flight Engineer John Phillips, stationed on the International Space Station. “Even when he was taunting Iraqi insurgents with his ‘Bring it on’ talk, we still needed telescopes. But not anymore. Man! Would you look at that balls on that guy!”

The White House had no comment.

Filed under: Politics






    

The other night, Anne asked me one of those Big Questions: what makes you happy? There’s a lot that makes me happy, but one of the big ones is making all my connections on the bus. While there’s a practical side (miss one connection, and the delicate web of transit collapses, leaving you stranded on a platform with no company other than tumbleweeds and people claiming they’re Jesus Christ), there’s also that feeling of leading a charmed life, like hitting the lottery or bowling a perfect game. Through wits and luck, you hit every connection with grace and ease. It’s a nice feeling.

I didn’t quite have it this morning, but I know how to get the odds in my favor for next time. It helps that the Big Blue has pulled its head out of its ass and created an express line down Lincoln. I missed one by a few minutes, but another one trundled up and passed a normal 3 that had just left. Sweet.

Then, I get to the Harbor Station and learn that, holy cow, the MTA’s made an express line from Artesia to Downtown! Cool. That means I won’t have to trundle my ass through every stop on the 110 to get to Los Feliz tonight. Slowly, the city’s getting its public transit act together. I think I’ll make a point of taking the bus a few times a week again, just ’cause I can.

Filed under: Real Stories






    

The Massive Head of Peter Jennings, originally uploaded by rak.

Centro, Des Moines, Iowa. January 18, 2004. This was the second picture I had of my brush with broadcasting fame. In the first, I held the camphone and took the shot. Peter Jennings looked at picture and said, “Wait! Your head’s bigger than mine! Let’s do it again!”

This is the shot he took. I’ll have to toast him again tonight like I did then.

Filed under: Iowa