Dear Mom-

I have no problem with you reading this page. Hell, I'm glad you do, if only so you know I'm alive and typing and not buried under a pile of PowerBar wrappers in the middle of my living room while The Sopranos plays on infinite repeat. It saves on stress.

But I have one request: please, for the love of all that's holy, do not click on the links at the bottom of this entry.

See, there's this uptight Senator from Pennsylvania who's, how you say, tolerance challenged. He wants to keep gay people from having equal rights under the law. He wants to keep women from getting access to safe, legal abortions. He doesn't like contraception. He's one of those scarily religious people who also happens to be a federal lawmaker for the party in power.

So, while I can go and fight him by donating to NARAL and Planned Parenthood and by making sure he and his party are thrown to the curb like the un-American swine they are, I also need to blow off a little steam. I need to create some mischief. I need, to paraphrase Eric Stratton, rush chairman of Lamba Tau Chi, to go out and commit a stupid and futile gesture.

So, I'm doing that by putting up the links at the bottom of the page. By doing so, I hope to make it so that every time someone types in the name of this frightening creep, the page to which these links go will pop up at the top of the list, rather than his web page in the Senate. I hope to link his name with something that is gross, disgusting, and absolutely purile. While it's not something obscene, like, say, pictures of Madam Esmerelda & Her Multi-Talented Armadillos, it's still pretty nasty. I know you're a tough woman, but, really, you don't need to click on the links. Tomorrow I'll go back to misusing punctuation and misspelling words, as per usual.

Thank you. I love you.

Yours,
-A.

Santorum

Rick Santorum

Senator Rick Santorum

Senator Santorum

Man on Dog