Hi, this is Aaron Brown for CNN, and I'm here, live, at St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica, California, where crowds have gathered in a vigil for former President Ronald Reagan, who died early this afternoon. With me is Ed Gillespe, chairman of the RNC. Sad day, isn't it, Ed?
Yes, it certainly is, Aaron. But there's a silver lining to this heavy cloud.
Well, for the next month we're going to hear nothing but Reagan, Reagan, Reagan. Now that he's dead, there'll be nothing but encomiums and praise for the President.
Well, yes, surely no one will speak ill of the dead…
…nor the living! For the next month, people will think of Ronald Reagan, or St. Ron as we like to call him-we're working on getting him beatified in the next few days-and they'll think back with fond memories of his strong leadership, his clear communication, his vision, and then they'll transfer all of their affection to George W. Bush. The President can only benefit from St. Ron's passing.
Ed, you're not talking about the Republicans politicizing Ronald Reagan's passing, are you?
You bet your sweet boots we are, Aaron. Oh, we'll be subtle about it: we'll have a tribute at the convention, we'll have lots of speeches while he lies in state in the Capitol, we'll work on getting him either on the dime or the ten-dollar bill. I mean, who was a greater leader? St. Ron or FDR? And, Alexander Hamilton? Since when do we put Treasury Secretaries on money? Can you even remember who our current Secretary of the Treasury is?
Of course you can't. But you remember Ronald Reagan, right? Right? So, sad day, but it's nothing but good news for us. Especially since our current strategy of highlighting George W. Bush's leadership qualities haven't been doing that well for us. We plan on riding his funeral bier all the back to the White House. Hell, why not create the Reagan Monument and have his preserved body lie there for future generations to enjoy?
You don't think that Reagan, a staunch anti-Communist, would disagree with that?
No, why would he?
Because that's what the Communists did with their dead leaders?
Pfft People today don't remember any of that! All they know is the Communists were bad, and St. Ron rode his war charger El Alamein across Western Europe, spreading the word of democracy and freedom, and how they leapt over the Iron Curtain to crush Communists and destroy their Evil Empire with his heat vision.
Um…thank you, Ed.
-Bush in '04, Reagan in '08, baby!
From Santa Monica, this is Aaron Brown for CNN.