Dear Lady In The Mercedes Convertible-

Madam, I don’t know what the dealer told you when he sold you that car, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t trump California state law. I’m also pretty sure that same state law says that you cannot roll your car through the intersection and come within a Botox needle’s width from my ass. Wait until I’m on the curb, and then you can fire away.

Keep in mind that I didn’t use any profanity when addressing your oversight of pedestrian right-of-way, as it would have curdled the ears of your daughter there in the passenger seat. I couldn’t hear what you said, but I’m sure it wasn’t pretty. Someone with your driving manners probably doesn’t have good speaking manners, either. And that’s what it all comes down to: manners. Politeness. Being aware of other’s people’s rights to cross the street with arms full of groceries and not get clipped by some twit in a Mercedes. That probably isn’t in your owner’s manual, but I hope you’ll keep it in mind next time you drive through my neighborhood. In the meantime, I hope your implants implode.

Love and kisses,
-Adam