My brother has expressed interest in buying an iPod; he’s going to be driving a hell of a lot for his new gig, and there’s only so much radio a man can stand when he’s stuck on the 405 for three hours. Having a ton of music at his disposal would be a nice thing.

I’ve often thought of buying an iPod but resisted because a) it’s one more gadget than I have pockets and b) they are the technological equivalent of Members Only jackets. They have a weird Cool Kids cachet about them, and, as a mature adult, I could care less about the Cool Kids. They can go suck it, he said maturely.

Putting my feelings aside, I can’t argue with the iPod’s interface. It is simple and quite elegant, and having a crapload of music at one’s fingertips does rock this an all other free worlds. But which one to get? We’ll let my innate love of Getting A Bargain sort that out.

All things alike (except the Shuffle’s lack of a display), it comes down to the cost of storage. Which iPod gives you the most memory bang for your hard-earned sheckel? The answer is the 60 GB iPod photo at $7.48/GB. The biggest ripoff is the half-gig Shuffle at $198/GB. Yes, I know you’re paying for a player whose weight is inversely proportional to that of Steve Jobs’s ego, but Jebus.

If I could figure out how to do it, I’d include the neat little chart that shows that the bigger the iPod, the cheaper it really is. However, while I’m a great big dork, I’m apparently not that great big a dork. Just close your eyes and imagine its smooth curve, the way it shrinks down to zero as storage becomes infinite. Then cringe as Jobs unveils, not a price reduction or something that would make sense, but the fact that its ear buds are distinctive and pretentious.

And now I’ve run out of things to say.