My brother just left a wonderfully profane review of the fourth Indiana Jones movie on my voicemail. It started with “EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL ALIENS? WHAT THE FUCK?” and ended with “Harrison Ford deserves a nutpunch” with some extra abuse for George Lucas. I texted back that Lucas is now working on a live-action version of Robotech. More profanity ensued.

Here is the cast I came up with:

Rick Hunter – Shia LaBoeuf
Minmei – Miley Cyrus
Lisa Hayes – Britney Spears (in my version, Minmei and Lisa sing duets about Rick Hunter)
Captain Gloval – Harrison Ford (note Mr. Ford’s accent work in K19: The Widowmaker)
Roy Fokker – Will Farrell (but played as Ron Burgundy)
Claudia Grant – BeyoncĂ© Knowles
Max Sterling – Jon “Napoleon Dynamite” Heder
Ben Dixon – Seth Rogan (I think this would actually work well)
Miriya – Maggie “Shannon the Spoiled Rich Girl from Lost” Grace
Azonia – Carmen Electra
Khyron – Orlando Bloom
Exedore – Rob Schneider
Bretai – Shaquille O’Neal (who would go one-on-one with a Veritech)

Did I miss anyone? Is there any way to make this cast more awful? And can we keep it from the people who really are making a live-action Robotech?

2 thoughts on “Children of the 80s, I have come to ruin your cherished childhood memories

  1. The George Lucas-Robotech thing was just me yanking my brother’s chain, so we’re safe there.

    We just have to worry about the guys who created Smallville screwing it up instead.

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